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Tuesday, September 16, 2008

The Godfather, Clemenza, Betty and Bluefield

I have to write a few more things about the last post. This woman who said I was in her seat uses a walker. All I heard was this gravelly, angry voice behind me saying, "You're in my seat." She was mad about it, too. I figured I was the one who would look like the jerk if I held out, so I gave in. I actually feel like calling and explaining to her, for future use, that if she had just been pleasant, or polite about it, everyone would willingly give her their seat. This happened on Sunday, but I still feel a sense of outrage. I might have to call her just to feel better. Dad keeps telling me not to take things so personally, but I do. I can't help it. I take everything personal. Like God.
I'm just kidding. That's a line in the Godfather that I love. I'll quote it for you. "Don't let anybody kid you. It's all personal. Every bit of (blank )every man has to eat every day of his life is personal. They call it business. Ok. But it's personal. You know where I learned that from? The Don. My old man. The Godfather. That's what makes him great. The Great Don. He takes everything personal. Like God."
This is what happens when you are married to Mike. Suddenly all things in life are connected to The Godfather.
Heidi and I actually read The Godfather when she lived here. One of my favorite characters was a very minor, background character named Clemenza who loved his car so much that he sometimes sat in it for an hour when the weather was good because it was more pleasant than sitting in the house. This reminded me of my little red car, that Catherine named Betty. Poor Betty. I felt just like Clemenza and really would go and sit in the driveway with the top down and the sun shining with a big cup of ice. I still miss that little car. I feel just like Grandma Renouf who all her life missed her little red mustang.
One more thing about this cantankerous woman. Tracy is probably sick of me writing/talking about her, but I can't help it.
This weekend was Youth Conference and the service project was to clean this woman's house. Tracy spent all day with her on Saturday cleaning, and taking her shopping! She took orders from her all day, and held her hand all through the market.
Trace had just told me about this 10 minutes before I was ordered out of my seat. Even now I am shaking my head in amazement that she and I both, in two days, got a good dose of this woman.

Also, about the shower story. I wasn't able to repair the handles when I was in the shower. I couldn't fix it. Everything was too wet, slippery, and flooding. I had to run out of the shower, wrap up in a towel, go out to the front yard, crouch down in the planter, find the shut off valve, and shut if off. In my towel! I was only wearing a towel. I'm amazed it stayed on. It was just like Judy Maxwell!
Now that I think of it, I don't think the soggy floorboards ever dried out, which is probably why Mike crashed through the floor a few months later. That was another fun day. There were a lot of those on Bluefield.

9 comments:

Katie and Mark said...

LOL!! You make me laugh. I have a few items behind my washer, and unfortunatly for me-I have no tongs! I know that sounds crazy, but a lot of our household items got left behind when we moved to Vegas. Come to think of it, I don't enen know whether I have EVER owned my own pair of tongs. The next time I go to Target, I am going to buy some. Then all of my lost socks behind the washer, under my bed, and under couch can finally be rescued!

As for your sweet little old lady, I have NO idea what I would have done! I would like to think that I would have kept my tush firmly planted while I though of some quick remark as to why I should stay, but the truth is-sometimes you are just caught so offguard that you just happily oblidge.

Just the other day, I was in a pet store with Brooklynne, and Brooke was happily showing me a cute little doggie stuffed animal (it was an octopus). As a worker, possilbly a manager on a power trip, walked by Brooklynne proudly held up the puppy toy, and with a huge smile on her face told the lady, "ocotopus." This crabby little lady sneered, "Yes. And that is a DOGGIE toy. It's not for children! It's for DOGGIES."

I was like Oh My Goodness! What is the big deal? I guess she might contaminate that dog toy with her sweet little princess germs. Go figure! So, what did I do you ask? I told Brooklynne to put it down!!! Am I crazy? Why didn't I think of something clever and back-biting to say (in a polite back-biting kinda' way of course). I was so caught off guard that I just happily obliged! Next time I am going to be prepard with some monumental comeback! : )

Anonymous said...

2 Leslie posts in one day, HURRAY! There is no way you can quit your blog! I love the Godfather too and I take everything personally too! And I would love to be the mormon emily post and eat doughnuts with white gloves on! I was laughing out loud when I read that! I want to be the new MEM but does anyone like the realy EM? I have to think about these things since I take everything personally.

By the way
DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES STOP THIS BLOG!!

I told Chris Peterson I was going to start a blog for her and I was going to call it "Yeah so" And call everyone litte expletives and just pass myself off as her. Anyway I am now threatening you with the same catastrophe. So unless you want everyone to believe that my mundane writing (Today we went to _______ We had a really _______ time. The kids really _________ it.) is you, the don't quit this blog!

Anonymous said...

I just realized I typed MEM but I mean MEP for Mormon Emily Post. Sorry about that and I think I did it again for the real EM I meant EP for Emily Post. Oh well! Kids are screaming gotta run!!!

MK and Co. said...

Keep them coming Les! I love hearing all of your stories. I can't believe you were out in your front yard in just a towel! I could never do that, not because my sense of modesty is so great, but all of my neighbors are Mormon! Perhaps every time I bore my testimony they would think of me in my towel. Not a pretty picture trust me.
I loved your quote from the Godfather. When did Mike start loving the Godfather?
I love what you wrote about your pretty little red car. I love sitting in my car too. Remember I use to take my naps in my car at Gottes Lane because the house was so cold. I like to eat in my car too.
I think you should do a post on your top 5 funny Bluefield stories. Loved all your writing today. Very Entertaining! I wrote love a lot in this comment. Perhaps it’s the music.

Leslie said...

Like I said you guys are the best audience, but I really think it's because you know me.

Katie, I am so glad you are part of the commentary.
What was that matter with that dog-lover woman?
Don't you hate being caught off guard? I just expect people to be nice and mind their manners, and it stuns me when they don't. When someone is rude it's like having ice cold water thrown on you, and you freeze up for a moment, while your mind tries to adjust to what just happened and what was said.
And Broooklyne's just a baby playing with a toy.
I agree sometimes you just sort of oblige because your mind is in a daze and you find yourself numbly going along with what they insist. Terrible. Next time you'll have to pack your own doggie toys, and I'll have to bring a Reserved For Crabby-Franny sign for that woman!
Also, Kitchen Tongs are the best for reaching things impossible to reach. I only wish they were bigger like a pair of hedgeclippers. Think of everything I could reach with those. It could reach all the stuff under the beds, on the sides of the beds, and all the junk that manages to slide to the sides of the refrigerator.
Every housewife in America should have some.
I'll send you some for Mother's Day.

Mary, you are the baby of the family so maybe you missed out on The Godfather Years. Mike has loved The Godfather since I have known him. He thinks he's Michael Corleone and every restaraunt or hotel we check into is under this name. Corleone. Do you not know he loves all things Godfather? He listens to the music all the time, and has the movie memorized. You know where Jordy's nickname came from. VITO! Vito Corleone. Jordy was Vito and Jake was Santino.
I still want them to get those on their license plates.
I think down deep you really know this. You just needed a couple of triggers. Anyway, he thinks he's Italian. You should see him eat spaghetti!

Also, yes, I can't believe I went out in my towel dripping wet, either. I tell you, I had to. Everything was flooding, and on top of everything else, the baby was crying. Holly! Screaming. If I had taken the time to get dressed the bathroom would have flooded worse than it already was. Like, I said, at least I was thin scrambling around in the planter for the shut off valve.
And yes, I remember you sleeping in your warm, sunbaked car in the backseat. Was your cat with you, too? I love a good sunbaked backseat.
I swear I think we all have Mediterranean Pernicious Anemia, because we're always freezing and need a shawl!

Dear Catherine Emily Margaret Mormon Gute Post,
Yes, please do write a new book about Mormon Etiquette. You could write all about what not to do, like Taking seats, Criticizing childrens wear, Disapproving of teenagers hair, Insisting women sing, Stalking children in Primary classes, Scolding children for eating, and reading while you're at church.
Oh, that's right, I approve of that last one...ya know, as long as it's church material.

Hilarious about Chris Peterson. Yes, make her do a blog. We'd all go crazy for it. Of course I'd want the unauthorized versions of all her stories, expletives included! She could write some great stories about all of us. On second thought, maybe she better not. But be sure and tell her Hi for me next time you see her. Tell her I miss her and wish she was still my teacher. She had the best sense of humor and brought the best treats. She should move out here. My Relief Society needs her!

Leslie said...

Can I just throw this out there for someone to pass along: Where is Michelle? She should join in on all this nonsense. She has such a good sense of humor and I know her stories can top mine.
Somebody in Provo, tell her I miss her.

MK and Co. said...

Now Leslie I know I have a terrible memory but I know all about Mike loving the Godfather I wanted to know when it started. Pre-boyfriend or Post-Marriage? Did you spur on this love of Italian?
That is so funny about you wrote to Catte because we were just talking about her starting a blog called Molly's Mormonism’s. It would be in question answer format. All the stuff you wrote about was exactly what we said she should write about. Like if an elderly person asks you to get out of her seat then of course you not only do it but make sure you take her a big batch of homemade cookies the next day for FHE.Sound familiar?

Catherine said...

Okay I need to know. Are we kind of serious about the mormon emily post? Or are we just kidding? Because now I'm really toying with the idea of a mormily post blog. I don't think I could really do it, but I do think it would be funny. I wonder if it would even get any hits.

Leslie said...

Mare,
I am laughing I took you so literally. I tend to do that a lot. I knew you knew about Mike and The Godfather. Ok, it really swung into full force when Jake was little and Jordy was a baby.
It started at Renox because the store guys used to watch it. Everyone called Mike, Corelone. Mike said Robert Nakatani started it, and then that's what everyone called him. I should call Robert and asked him Why. Mike said everybody used to bug him because back then...but not now, he always carried a lot of cash....like Sonny did in The Godfather. I wish I could claim credit for bringing out The Italian in him, but I think it was really all his mafia buddies.

Catte,
Yes, start your Emily Mormon Post blog. Be sure to put a picture of you with dainty gloves, and a beautiful chapeau on it.
Actually,is chapeau a man's hat? I think it is. Well you wear the gloves and let Paul wear the chapeau.
I still have to look up the seriouslysoblessed blog. But, yes, start it and see what happens.
Then you can have 3 blogs to maintain: yours, mine and emily's.